he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
