Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
