Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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