Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
