he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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