I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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