it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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