I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
