i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
