I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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