Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
