You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
