are you still at the devil's house?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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