My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
