Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
