yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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