I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
