Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize