We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We're too hungover to prance.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
