My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
