i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Houston, we have a blender
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
