I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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