dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i came on her dog
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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