i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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