do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You need Xanax blowdarts
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