I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
