the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize