how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
