After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
