The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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