I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize