I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
