Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
