i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
