Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
