So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i will never coherently bang her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
