i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
