Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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