I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
