Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
