So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
where am i from again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
