I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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