just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
