Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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