if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
