its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize