Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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