she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
