hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
