so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize