my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
