Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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