i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bring money and cleavage
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
