i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
false alarm, still single
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
