so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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