Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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