the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
