glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I faked an abortion last night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i believe in u and ur pee
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