Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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