and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
