I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
