38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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