I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
