I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
