Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
