My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
