is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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