I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
