Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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