Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
